3.14.15
As I tramped along kilometre after kilometre of dense, spectacular forest, dragging my feet as I often do on city concrete, tripping over tree roots, loose rocks, and animal droppings, tears spitter-spattered from my eyeballs as if I were trying to make up for the lack of rain in that bright blue sky, obscured by beech trees.
I missed him. I missed him deeply and passionately and fiercely. I felt at a loss for how my emotions could possibly conflict so. I felt vulnerable to the emptiness inside of me. The black hole clawing at my throat, threatening to envelop me in her darkness, swallowing this little redhead whole. I began to drown in my emotions, in the recesses of my skewed memory. I was dressed in white. I felt like a princess....
SMACK! A hanging tree branch smacked me across the face, covered in soft green moss, to lessen the blow. It was a rude slap back to reality, where I was reminded that I was completely, and utterly alone. Dressed in black clothes so covered in dirt and grime, you wouldn't have been able to tell if I were dressed in white. I found myself a slight confused... How did I get here? Have I lost everything I once had? In that moment, I did not want to be alone. I missed him completely and immensely. My head spun 'round with questions and confusion. I was not present in the moment, I was in some nightmarish daydream, allowing myself to drift far, far away.
Sobbing, I stepped upon the wooden bridge. And, as if my Father were standing next to me, tilting my chin upward, my eyes suddenly gazed upon the most pristine, magical, delicate landscape I had ever seen. Through young beech tree branches, with tall, thin trunks only slightly larger, the morning sun burst through, casting glittering crystals upon the rain-induced miniature waterfalls cascading below. Scattered stones and rocks were all covered in nearly-neon green mosses. Creating cushioned seats for the insects and parasites who made them their home.
Every branch and tree top touched, as if holding hands. Intertwining and protecting the 3-layered canopy below. Unharmed spiders spun webs, creating mystical glistening designs catching dew and small flies, and each one played their part, in the circle of life encased in this little piece of grace. Every small waterfall helped another to flow, and each one seemed an intricate ecosystem in their own right. Birds sung out to one another in love, flying expertly through the trees - they caught flies and falling seed mid-flight, taking them upward to their babies to feed.
I, at first, had the sense of: intruder. My sorrow did not belong in such a place. But as I stood there, silently crying, allowing my saltwater to mix with the scene, she held it with grace. The longer I silently stood, the more I became a part of this beautiful landscape. I felt one with the birds, as they took my worries, and soared into the sky. I saw my reflection in the gentle falls, and brooks bubbling below, as they swept away my sorrow and despair. I was given inspiration by the spiders, as they continually created their webs, letting nothing hinder them. Rain, sun, snow or autumn wind, they continually create art - each web glistening differently in the light of each season, yet always full of wonder. I felt alive in the bright colors - the vivid green moss, vibrant purple mushrooms, and stunning yellow wildflowers. They soaked up my darkness and transferred back to me so much life. And here, in this alternate reality, I was welcomed - not feared. So why do we fear nature? For the lessons she waits to share with us, and the healing she has to give - are waiting just around each bend.
My tears turned from sorrow to gratitude, and my voice quieted from wailing to near-silent breath. I was one with the Earth. And she had taken my pain, so gracefully dispersed of it, in a way only she can. How grateful I am, to have been guided to such a healing Earth. Where both mind, body and soul can receive new birth. I lost track of time... After several minutes, or maybe an hour, which felt inside like days, I blew a kiss to this hidden piece of Grace, that had so gently cradled me in her forest arms, picked up my walking stick, and continued on my way. Wiping my cheeks of the pasts tears.
Ready to face a new and brilliant day.
Namaste.
Xx Rachel
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