I hesitate to write this story, simply because 99.9% of the people I have met in this country, Kiwi's and travelers alike, have been absolutely lovely.
In traveling solo for nearly 4 months now, I have come to find a renewed hope in the human animal that I had lost back home. I have become quite forgetful, and have had my phone, kindle, money and all sorts of "belongings" turned in when I've left them someplace. I've had rides offered, dinner given, and homes opened to me without question, by some of the kindest people I've ever met. It has been beautiful to witness, and I feel safer in the world, with the newfound knowledge of how big and diverse and wide it is, than I ever did at home in my bubble. I love the paradox in that.
By the same token, traveling alone for months on end as a female, especially out in the woods alone, something dodgy is bound to happen. Just as the unattainable glass ceiling society illusioned for me hung over my head back home, here, equivalent odds are against me, in that someone might want to take advantage of me in some way.
I was out on a track that not many hike. I had gone out to be alone, to connect with nature, to not only hear, but FEEL the silence. I was a few days in, and arrived at the hut quite late in the day, around 4 or 5. The days are shrinking shorter and shorter out here, as colorful Fall has rested upon the forests and Winter looms in cold winds and snow-capped mountain peaks.
When I arrived at the hut, there was one man already there. "Bummer," I thought to myself, as I had hoped to be alone with my book and a stove fire that night. He looked to be about in his mid 40's, dark brown hair, tall, and handsome at first glance.
He, (thinking that because I was alone that meant I would want to talk to him?) began trying to chat small talk (ugh) with me. I have become somewhat of a recluse out here, reluctant to spend too much time conversing with others, as I have so much working through my mind, I become exhausted of talking quite easily.
I answered a few of his questions, annoyed and avoiding eye contact, hoping he would catch the vibe and leave me alone. Somehow it came up that I was divorced, and suddenly he jumped on the conversation like a bee to a pollen-covered flower. "Oh! I've been divorced too! Isn't it hard? Yeah my ex was from California too. What part did you say you were from? Are you out here all alone? Does anyone know where you are? So... No one else is out here with you...?? Just you? No friends? Do you have a backcountry pass? How long are you staying in this hut?" And on.. And on.. And ON!
The moment he began asking me personal questions, especially ones about my being alone in the woods, a sickening, dark feeling overtook me and before I knew it, I was trembling with fear (not characteristic of me in the least.)
Something in the way he looked at me, like he was looking past the layers of dirt, grime and clothes, to my bare and exposed skin beneath, made me shudder with anxiety.
I immediately started spouting out any lie I could, quite obviously contradicting myself, as I had blatantly said "yes. I am hiking alone," when I first walked into the hut. I was accustomed to people being very kind when they found out I was solo hiking New Zealand. A sort of respect and austere admiration often came up, which made me feel slightly uncomfortable, because I don't think what I'm doing is all that "admirable." But a strange satisfaction often accompanied my discomfort. "Yeah.. I AM doing this alone." I would think to myself. "If I can do this alone, I can do ANYTHING!"
This man's energy... Gave me NONE of those thoughts or feelings. I felt the strong urge to run from the hut, into the safety of the people-less woods, and climb a tree... like a bear cub or something.
But, stand my ground I did. And my tone with him got more and more "rude." I told him I had a locator beacon on me (lie,) and that I was meeting up with friends the next day (also, lie.) His eyes became more and more curious, as I assume he sensed that I was fumbling for excuses to blatantly say: "I AM NOT ALONE! (But really I am.) SO DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME! (But there's not much I can do if you try.)"
He told me he was hiking here with a friend of his, and later told me it was his "current partner's father." Okay.. Weird. His "friend," or whoever the man was, was a white-haired man in his 70's who came trailing up the hill shortly thereafter. They had apparently been tramping/HUNTING/fishing in that valley the past few days.
The instant the older man approached the hut, the sickest feeling came over me. He said "Hello" in the same sly, callous way that men, slumped against the city walls, would call out to me back home as I walked from the club to my car in my short little black dress. Too tipsy to care, and with the comfort I could scream out and people would hear on every street corner. Here, alone in the woods, however... There was no car to buzz off in, no humans under the city street lights to hear me, in fact.. no lights at all once the sun went down in about... 45 minutes from then. I suddenly felt 15 again, trapped with the menacing faces and intentions of men on a mountainside. "I'll tell you where we are, we're where no one can hear you scream."
... SNAP. I was suddenly pulled back into reality as they began asking me more questions, asking if I wanted to go on "a walk." Trying not to upset them, but obviously NOT going to go anywhere with them, I said "maybe later." The brown-haired man in his 40's went to talk with the white-haired man in his 70's, out of the hut, door shut, where I couldn't hear them. Continual glances at me through the dirt-and-sandfly-covered plexi-glass windows, lowered voices and bowed heads like a football team going in for the final play... Even their body language gave me the chills.
I went into the bunkroom of the hut and paced frantically back and forth, unsure of what to do. "I could take off and just pitch my tent in the woods somewhere... I could hike out of the trail on a road I know is nearby and sleep on the road... I could hike back the way I came to the previous hut..." Scenario after scenario ran through my mind, as I thought of places I could run to, things they could do to me if I stayed. But reality quickly set in, as the sun was quickly setting behind the mountain peaks and the realization of my situation sank in deep.
I did what I find myself often doing when I become afraid out here in the bush, and cried out to the sky, to the Universe, to God. I am unsure on what the word "God" means to me. I am unsure on what I believe exists outside of this world, if anything. I know I do not fit into the realms of "religion," but am trying to figure out how to incorporate "spirituality" into my life. I have been listening to many philosophers lately, many of which talk about energies of the Earth, and of ourselves, and how all things are indescribably connected. So, I prayed. To whatever exists out there, or to nothing but my own intuition, I didn't know.
What I do know, is I suddenly felt as though I wasn't alone. I had the overwhelming feeling to JUST STAY PUT. Just stay in the hut. Any and all of my options were dangerous in their own way. And all included those disgusting men being able to find me and do what they'd like with me.
Suddenly, the door swung open and the pushy, arrogant, brown-haired man walked into my bunk room and grabbed me by the back of my arm.
He said "You ready to go on that walk yet? Come here. I want to show you something." I yanked my arm away and said "First of all, don't touch me. And second of all - No, I am going to eat now." He backed away and shut the door, stepping back outside to converse with the white-haired pig.
I grabbed my little pink pepper spray from my parents, and kickass blue knife from my Ari, put them in my pocket, and went back out into the main area of the hut. I placed my food all around me and began pretending to read my book - as if I could create with small objects some type of barrier, protecting me from them.
I didn't expect anyone else to come through, as most people don't hike till near-dark, and was preparing myself for a sleepless night. The door creaked open again, and I held my breath for fear of what they would propose this time. And... IN WALKED A DIFFERENT MAN!! My heart leapt with joy as I jumped up to greet him, talk to him, make friends. I was more friendly to him than perhaps anyone in New Zealand thus far. There were 2 small bunkrooms connected to the main room of this hut, a rare commodity as most huts are just one small, square room. He put his pack in the room I was in, and I was overjoyed. "Thank you! Thank you!" My heart cried out to whatever/whoever is out there.
He said he was in search of a woman he was hiking with, who should have been at the hut by then. He took off in search of her, and the other two men walked back in. My heart sunk. "You need to move your stuff into our bunkroom." The brown-haired man told me. They proceeded to tell me, all the while hovering, standing much too close, to the point I could smell their tuna and cracker breath, that they had been in the same hut as this new character the night before and that he "was stalking and getting frisky with this girl he's in search of." They blatantly lied and told me she had come by the hut earlier, and told them not to tell him she had come by, but she was frightened and hiking out early.
I later found out this was total bullshit ((shocker.)) As it turns out - she had gotten lost and had never arrived at that hut or said anything those men said she did.
Eventually she, the other man, another girl (yay,) and the two scary men were all in the hut. They continued with frightening stares and interrogating questions my way. Continued talk of me switching into their bunkroom. I was mentally exhausted. The knowledg they might have guns and they could follow me the next day made me sick to my stomach. I decided I would stay at the hut the next day until they left, possibly staying an extra night there.
By the grace of Mother Earth, a ranger showed up at the hut that night. He was passing through and checking up on the backcountry huts in the area. This was rare and so welcomed by my nerves!! I took him aside and told him about my uneasy feeling and a few of the strange questions the men had been inquiring of me, including grabbing me by the back of the arm. He took it pretty seriously, thank goodness, and hung out with all of us in the hut that night.
I had a restless sleep nonetheless, but got at least a few hours of shut eye with all the other people being there. I ended up sleeping more peacefully once the sun rose, and woke to the ranger shaking my foot at around 10 AM. I NEVER sleep that long out here. He told me I needed to get up, pack my stuff, and come with him. He said that everyone had left, other than the two scary men.
He informed me they had talked in strange ways about guns the night before, and that morning they had asked him multiple questions on whether DOC (Department of Conservation) "keeps track of everyone that walks through there? As well as if he knew if I were planning on staying at the hut again? Did he have any details on me?" (I typically sign the hut books, but had only written my first name in this one - for that very reason.)
It was enough to frighten him for me, and he had decided to stay till I awoke. He told me he would hike out with me, but we were in the middle of the bush, a long walk out, so he said I could stay the night in a "hidden ranger hut" with him, if I wanted. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity to leave safely and threw my stuff into my bag.
Not 15 minutes later, as we walked past the crazy brown-haired man and the crazy white-haired man, sitting on the steps of the hut, the crazy bold brown-haired man called out to me "Oh, okay. We see how it is." And I walked past them with all the confidence in the world, now that the ranger was by my side. Not responding, or looking back.
We hiked quickly to the hut. I was pleased to see I was able to keep up with him, after months of tramping (hiking.) I had the afternoon to myself in the "secret hut," (that was literally just a storage crate in the middle of the woods, dropped in by helicopter for the Rangers to stay in while they did track work.) He was out working on the track, and that night he cooked fried red potatoes, that tasted almost as good as my Mom's home cooking. I slept safe and sound and hiked to the start of my next track the following day.
How energy works is beyond my understanding. I am so glad I felt, and decided to, stay in the hut. So glad other people showed up. So glad I made it out of what could have been a very dodgy situation, unharmed. I am truly blessed.